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Common issue but hurting alot!!   Ct desi   02/12/2018 07:24 AM  
Hi I have pretty common issue, my wife never allowing me to buy anything to my parents, who are solely responsible for me being here, when I need to come to USA, I have to do some deposit to the company, if the lottery doesnt pickup I will loose large chunk of money, I losted heavily in share markets at that time, I dont have money and FIL never given penny from his pocket even for borrow, its my father who given the helping hand and my lottery got picked up and rest is history,
Now I want to do return favor to my parents,but my conjuse wife never allowing to me spend anything on my parents, if I need to spend on them I have to spend 4 times on her other unncessary needs, I feel so down and helpless, cant fight nor able to compromise, how do you guys handle this situations please? heard my other friends also have the same issue..

Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   well-wisher   02/12/2018 10:55 AM  
Sit with her and talk about your situation.I guess by this time you already told multiple times.
But say that every parents struggle so hard for there kids. Your parents and even my parents. Now this is the time,i need to step up and help them back. Try to make her part of your family - instead your wife is also a family.
Try to make her feel that your making her as part of family- not just by words but by actions-

yea, its a complicated situation and you really need to work on this issue

Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   Why   02/12/2018 11:06 AM  
Try well-wisher's advice. If that doesn't work, send them money without your wife's knowledge. you can save a couple of hundred in cash every month and give it to a friend and let him/her send it.

Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   Helper    02/12/2018 11:12 AM  
I think you should understand her perspective, she is trying to save money for you and her future and maybe your kids. Your parents should of saved money before hand for there retirement. When your parents keep asking for money it becomes a problem rather your parents should understand money is hard to earn and you also have to take care of your family here as well. It shouldn't be just your responsibility to pay for each and every expense for them. Your wife is not being selfish.

Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   well-wisher   02/12/2018 11:45 AM  
issue : wife never allowing to me spend anything on my parents, if I need to spend on them I have to spend 4 times on her other unncessary needs

(at) : Is she was not selfish, she would not have asked to spend 4 times for unnecessary stuff. As per my understanding, she is not into money saving and all.
Bottom line : she needs to change her way of thinking- you both can still save money after giving to parents. Where is a will there is a way

Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   Stupid - Helper   02/12/2018 01:29 PM  
Stupid Helper. I guess You are a Lady of same mentality. Seldom Parents asks money from their child, even if parents spends their whole life saving to up bring their kids.
I hope you might not have kids too yet, you wont understand .... Get rid of your dirty mentality ...I heated almost ever words of your comment ...yukk thuu

Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   Ct desi   02/12/2018 02:47 PM  
Gosh hope you are not my wife ...my wife says the same thing ..not sure 10000 on Saree how it is savings ... why a 300 rupees recharge will save my economy and purse while going to restaurant will cost more than 2000 rupees..
I am original poster..

Re: Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   sam   02/12/2018 05:18 PM  
Tell her you have responsibility towards your parents. IF shes hurt ask her to work and earn enough money for her needs. That way even she will be happy and you can execute your responsibilities

Re: Re: Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   indian   02/12/2018 06:09 PM  
I hope she has insecurity feeling. One option you have to explain about family values and strength of family system. Problem will be solved once she recognizes ur care and love

Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   AB   02/12/2018 07:15 PM  
I may not agree to the way you think the favor !
Helping parents is not a favor but responsibility of every adult child!

If you and your wife agree to that point you may have less issues ! Not doing responsibility is kind of sin! It also depends how strong you are in fulfilling your responsibilities and make sure that is communicated properly to your wife !

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   your sensible friend!   02/12/2018 07:23 PM  
I dont want to buy any gifts for my laws too.

the reason is: I never received any gifts from my in laws after 7 years of our marriage. but when we went to India we have to fill our all suitcases with gifts. some members also sent us list of things they want from us as gifts. i was okay to that also and for me I was fine too. but when I saw they even dont care for my 12 months old son, it hurts me a lot. In our case we are independent and working so I dont have the control over my husband to restrict him from buying gifts for his family.But

Gifts are from both side. So make sure this is not the case to you. talk to her and figure it out why she doesnt want. Some reason are beyond of men's thinking.

Re: Re: Re: Common issue but hurting alot!!   Independent woman   02/12/2018 07:30 PM  
I think ‘Helper’ is your wife. Lol
I, myself am working married woman with our little angel. Let me admit that me and my husband has huge differences yet when it comes to parents responsibility, I insist him to take ownership and take care of his retiring parents. Yes, there are differences in my In- laws thinking and mine especially when we are here for log time and they are in india but I hate that woman mentality of biasing between parents. Today I guide my husband for taking his parents responsibility and he insist me to take care of my parents and he himself buys gifts for them. Marriage is all about give and take.
Try to ask her if she ever felt that you are ONLY thinking of your parents and would leave her and your kids hungry?? And explain her, Your kids are going to learn by your actions, not by words. So be careful what you seed...

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