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just testing |
02/05/2018 05:16 PM |
Looking back now, I think I married way out of my league, career wise.
When I was age 30, I and my wife had an arranged marriage. My wife 29 at that time, was a graduate of the one of the top schools of engineering in India, Indian Institute of Technology(IIT). She was working for one of the largest telecom companies in SF bay area. I was working for a software consulting firm in CT. I still wonder why she married me. I think it was because she had a previously broken engagement and such things are taken seriously in my conservative community.
Initial years were good. I moved to San Francisco, as my wife’s job was full time and she cannot move. Then the problems started to creep up. My wife was paid really well by her company. On top of that, the benefits were just unbelievable. Where as I had a comparitively low salary. My wife hated my laid back nature. She always used to drop subtle hints for me to pull up my socks and switch to a high paying job.
All of my wife’s IIT friends and their spouses, as you can imagine, were smart and resourceful. I was like the odd man in the group. I could not keep up with them. All of them owned homes and were starting to have kids.
My wife was extremely competitive. She constantly used to compare our life with her friends. I know she was vey dissapointed in me as were living in an apartment and I was still not sure if we should start planning for a baby. We would constantly argue about our state of affairs, which I thought were good enough. But my wife wanted to be like her friends.
Due to various reasons, we could not buy a house. She wanted to have a baby ASAP. Due to my indecisive nature, I was holding back. Finally I agreed, and we had a beautiful daughter. This was the best thing that happened in our marriage. Since the birth of my daughter, my wife lost all interest in me. We stopped getting intimate. I could sense that my wife thought I was a failure and was upto no good. She would constantly bring up her friends in our arguments and compare how much better they had it. I tried switching jobs without luck.
My wife is a very good person and an excellent mom. But I and her are not compatible. I just dont have the kind of mental stamina that my wife expects. I think I am holding her back with my incompetence. Overall, we are not happy. We are more like roommates than a couple.
Sometimes, I think of divorce. But hold back as divorce in my culture is not an option. Also I dont want my daughter to go through it. I love my daughter to death. Would do anything for her. If i have to stay in a unhappy marriage, i would happily do it for her.
Wish I had married someone at the same level as I. Atleast I would be blissfully ignorant of my incompetence.
-Thought this would be useful to someone who is about to marry!!
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